


Horses

by Leech



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, soft eruri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-25 08:22:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2614940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leech/pseuds/Leech
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Sometimes you don’t know you’re holding onto things until they get too heavy."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Horses

The stable was warm and dusty. Erwin didn’t really enjoy the smell of hay, but he knew Levi did. Somehow, it seemed to calm him. A sanctuary, maybe, for the other to find his peace in, to Erwin was it only a necessity of the horses. He could see Levi now, broad frame standing adjacent to the hitching post. His horse was not there with him; she had suffered internal damage during the last expedition past the walls. Erwin had overheard her passing from Hanji just an hour earlier.  

Stopping beside the shorter man, the blond did not hesitate to lean soft against the post. Levi’s eyes were focused on the floor, but Erwin knew the other was aware of his being there. Looking past his friend and into the stall, Erwin noted Levi had already changed out the hay.

“She’s gone,” Levi stated. His tone was heavy. It suffused itself through the night air and put gravel in Erwin’s throat. Levi gave an audible sigh afterward, as if trying to decompress. Erwin decided to wait a moment in case he had more to say. Despite his jaw moving hesitantly, Erwin presumed the soldier was only chewing on his tongue.

“I know.”

Levi shifted his weight onto his other leg. His back still was against the blond, gaze fixed on the floor of the stall.

“I’ll be in shortly,” he advised and waved a hand over his shoulder. Erwin presumed he was trying to shake him off; Levi preferred to do his grieving alone. The Commander stiffly crossed his arms. He made no move to leave, and Levi made no attempt to try shooing him.

“I’m sorry, Levi.” It was a phrase Erwin particularly hated. The helplessness that followed always made his stomach ache. Levi seemed to be in just as much discomfort. His pale finger picked at the leather tie around the hitching post. A horse nickered from the opposite side of the stable.

“There’s nothing to be apologizing for.”

“I know you liked her,” said Erwin. “She was a good horse. It’s a shame she’s gone.”

Levi took his hand back to his side and stepped closer to the stall, sliding his palm across the top off the door. Erwin took to glancing instead down the center. He wasn’t truly blessed with the gift of empathy, and Levi was not the most forthcoming man to try soothing.

“She was just a horse. There are plenty more where she came from.” Levi’s deflective response gave Erwin little opportunity to speak.

“I can see you’re upset over it.” Levi was still where he stood. He gave no immediate reaction beyond a small turn of his head, though it only appeared he was looking at the bridle hanging on the back wall. Erwin watched him with a sense of pity. He hadn’t witnessed Levi so emotional in some time.

His utter silence could be taken as distress. The black-haired soldier was routinely chatty and abrasive, and Erwin, knowing this, only found the hush that had fallen over Levi all the more gripping. He desired to be here with him while Levi needed it. Erwin knew no one else would go out of his or her way to aid him. Not surprisingly, Levi was, for the most part, alone.

“I don’t know why I am.” Levi’s hand fidgeted where it lay against the smooth top of the door. All too easily did Erwin’s stomach do the same in response. “She’s just a damn horse. I’ve watched men—I’ve watched _boys_ die outside the walls and I didn’t feel like this.” His voice was quickly growing frustrated, Levi balling his hands tight. Erwin noticed the wave of rigidness that took over his short frame. A horse blew in the stall beside him.

“You can’t beat yourself up for this, Levi.”

“I can damn well do as I please,” the other spat, turning to glance at Erwin over his shoulder. His brow was knitting, eyes angry, but not at Erwin. The blond took the chance to calmly meet his glare, and eventually Levi looked back away.

“I had a dog when I was younger,” Erwin spoke. “She was around when my dad died. I lost her during a storm a few months after. She got out the front door and ran away.” Levi made a move to shut the stall front, but he didn’t leave once it was locked. “I cried harder over losing her than I did my dad. Not to say I didn’t cry then.” Levi looked toward him out of the corner of his eye. Erwin didn’t bother meeting it. “I did.”

Levi made a noise that sounded near a hum, though Erwin wasn’t sure what it meant.

“I loved my dad more than I could ever love that dog, but losing them both so close to each other made it hurt worse. I just happened to lose her second.” The man could hear Levi moving to lean beside him against the post. It was the other’s way of showing understanding: sticking around to listen. “Sometimes you don’t know you’re holding onto things until they get too heavy. Losing that dog was a reminder of my dad. I was only grieving him a second time.”

Levi gave a labored sigh to his right. “Yea,” he murmured. “I guess you’re right.”

They stayed like that for a while. At least, to Erwin if felt like some time. The sound of the horses shifting and sighing became natural, almost expected. Taking a chance to turn his head, Erwin saw Levi with his mouth drawn thin. His lip was shaking under the strain. Erwin could plainly see it; he thought it best to leave him be for now. Pushing off the post, he made his way back out of the stables without a word, leaving Levi to grieve in private.


End file.
